The mighty Goliath stands towering before David.  David proclaims aloud for all to hear that the menacing giant must fall, but the mighty Goliath just throws back his head and bellows forth a thunderous laugh.  White flecks of spittle rain down upon David as the monster roars, “Puny mortal!  I will crush your bones with one blow from my powerful fiber optic cable network and eternally torment your family and friends with my poor customer service!”

David did not waver, however, and responded to the grotesque beast with confidence and resolve.  “You have no power, Hideous One!  Your threats are as empty as your promises of a quality signal delivering high-definition programming at reasonable prices!  You are an antiquated system that has outlived its usefulness and I am here to banish you to the land of rabbit ears and eight-track tapes!”

The giant looked amused.  He raised his massive hands to the sky and howled, “I am eternal!  I am immortal!  I can never be destroyed!  I am Comcast and I am relevant!”

David stood unwavering before the hulking creature, a slight smile creeping across his lips.  “You WERE relevant,” he whispered.  “You WERE of great import.  You were – but are no longer.”  Goliath appeared puzzled by the small man’s words.

“You see,” David explained, “You are no longer our only choice.  We ‘puny mortals’ have options – and we opt for your demise.”

A cloud of anger swept across the monster’s face and he raised his mammoth foot to crush poor David.  But at that same moment, David yelled to the Comcast monstrosity, “Behold!” and pointed to a small dish affixed to a nearby dwelling.  The beast recoiled in horror, his expression quickly changing from self-righteous anger to abject fear.

“Is… is that a satellite dish?” the formidable brute asked in a meek voice.  The Comcast Goliath seemed to shrink a bit at the sight.

David calmly responded, “Yes, it is.  You are no longer wanted here, fiend.  Take your poor video quality and high prices and be gone from this village!”  A quiet cheer rose from the villagers, all hiding within their homes.

“But,” the diminished Goliath whined, “what if I offer you a special deal?  I can make you happy – I promise!  How about free HBO for three months?”  The giant was attempting to use an arcane spell to charm David into compliance.

“Your feeble attempts to change my mind won’t work, Evil One.  We’ve already signed a contract with Direct TV.”

The name of its arch-nemesis caused the once-mighty Goliath to recoil.  “But,” he stammered, “they can’t offer you…

“Enough!” demanded David.  “We have heard enough of your lies!  Begone, foul wretch, and take your overly-compressed video signals with you!”

The Comcast Goliath turned and slowly shambled away, its shoulders slumped.  The villagers peeked out from their half-open doors, casting epithets at the defeated monster.  Some even mustered the courage to call out, “And don’t come back!”

With the pall of Comcast no longer hanging over the village, the residents applauded David for his bravery and competence.  Hoisting him upon their shoulders, he was carried around the village square to the cheers of all.

The moral of the story?  Dump Comcast and get Direct TV.  The package we had with Comcast was called “Digital Silver” and included HBO and Starz.  We had a total of about 90 viewable channels and it cost us about $130 per month.  Several channels we wanted to have in that lineup (but couldn’t unless we wanted to shell out more $$) included the NFL Network and the Do It Yourself Network.  Direct TV offers us those two channels plus nearly everything else (including Cinemax, Showtime, and several dozen more totaling over 250 viewable channels) for about $20 per month LESS.  And for the next four months, we’ll be saving even more through a special offer for signing up with them.

But it’s not all about money or channel lineups – quality is a factor.  When you think about the two systems, they’re in essence the same thing, just different.  Comcast receives satellite signals at their “home base”, compresses the hell out of the signal in order to fit so much information onto their network (which includes digital phone signals and Internet traffic as well) then sends it out to you.  On the way from them to you, the signal degrades and must be “amplified” a few times.  Each amplification process reduces the quality of the signal you receive in your home.

Direct TV receives the same satellite signals but then relays them all to its own satellite system which, in turn, beams directly to your house via your very own satellite dish.  The signal then gets sent straight to the receiver that’s connected to your TV.  That’s it – no amplification, no signal loss and minimal compression.  You get high-quality audio and video, especially with high-definition systems.  And you get “off the cable”.

To be sure, Direct TV is not perfect.  Aside from snow buildup on the dish (easily removed with a broom), their biggest problem seems to be a very common one today – weak customer service.  Their salespeople will be quick and courteous, but after you’re a Direct TV customer, expect waits.  Unfair, to be sure, but all too common with today’s large corporations.  Much like with the Comcast Goliath, plan to be on hold for a while when you call them with a question.  Of course, you could just visit their website and solve your problem there with live chat and easily-accessed account information.

Direct TV is cheaper and just plain better than cable and their customer service ranks equally (although, to be honest, JD Powers & Associates has rated them #1 in customer satisfaction for something like four years running).  Direct TV is something I’d recommend to anyone.  And if you want an even better deal, e-mail me (ash@isitjustash.com).  I slew a giant, after all.